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so trump won. a lot of thoughts. a lot of yelling. a lot of feeling empty, numb, disappointed, ANGRY-- FUCK THE DEMOCRATS. THEY ARE WEAK. SPINELESS. OUT OF TOUCH. I AM NOT CONVINCED THEY AREN'T REPUBLICANS IN DISGUISE. AT THE VERY LEAST, THEY DON'T FUCKING CARE. THEY JUST LAID DOWN AND FUCKING DIED. LET TRUMP AND HIS ILK WALTZ INTO THE WHITE HOUSE. AFTER MONTHS-- YEARS-- OF TELLING US HE IS ENEMY NO. 1. THEY 'CONGRATULATE HIM AND WELCOME HIM INTO THE WHITE HOUSE WITH A SMOOTH TRANSITION'. WHEN A WHOLE FUCKING JANUARY 6 HAPPENED.
FUCKING LOSERS CANNOT RUN A FUCKING CAMPAIGN. WHAT ACTUALLY WERE THE 'PROGRESSIVE' POLICIES EVERYONE SAYS FAILED HARRIS AND CO? HER WANTING TO BUILD THE WALL? DID WE FUCKING FORGET OBAMA? WHICH IS NOW A MASTERCLASSSS IN CAMPAIGNING? THE MAN WAS CHARISMATIC. HE SOLD US ON FUCKING HOPE. CHANGE. HEALTHCARE. GAY MARRIAGE. IF YOU GIVE THE PEOPLE HOPE OF A BETTER LIFE (AND BETTER WALLET) THEY WILL FUCKING VOTE. TRUMP IS A MONSTER BUT HE'S ALSO A CULT OF PERSONALITY THAT (PRETENDS TO BE) ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT. THAT FUCKING APPEALS TO PEOPLE. THEY WANT. MONEY. CHANGE. THEY WANT TO LARP AS PUNK REVOLUTIONARIES AND IT SEEMS RACISM/SEXISM/TRANSPHOBIA/HOMOPHOBIA/XENOPHOBIA - HATE IS HOW THEY'VE CHOSEN TO DO SO. THE DEMS HAD A LAYUP HERE. TRUMP LOST 2020. PRESIDENTS NEVER COME BACK IN NON-CONSECUTIVE TERMS. TRUMP IS A FUCKING IDIOT. THEY HAD THE LAYUP TO PUSH BACK, SHIT TALK, SLAM HIM AS REACTIONARY, POKE SO MANY HOLES-- AND THEY DIDN'T BECAUSE THEY WANT 'CLEAN' CAMPAIGNS.
KAMALA HARRIS. JOE BIDEN. YOU ARE FAILURES. YOU CANNOT EVEN PRETEND TO FUCKING GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR BASE AND THATS WHY THEY ABANDONED YOU. LOST 20 MILLION VOTERS - YEAH THIS ELECTION SURE WAS HISTORIC HAHAHAHAHA
SO YEAH I'M FUCKING ANGRY. YESTERDAY I DID MY ROTTING. DID MY DESPAIRING. BUT NO I JUST FEEL EMPOWERED TODAY.
i need to make art! need to live freely and freer than ever before! i need to makeout with a girl LOL! i need to finish my oc's website.
| listening | war by story of the year |
| playing | fields of mistria. do i like it more than stardew LOL? |
| watching | maybe arcane, soon? |
| mood | feeling alert. (girl who takes her medicine) |
LOL so i did end up getting in the halloween spirit!!! i bought decorations and went out to da clurbbb . x
going on a socmed cleanse. essentially no twitter. no reddit. i'm so fucking sick of the inflammatory abyss i've been swirling in for the past year, now that i'm out of school. like i've just been scrolling mindlessly and like... for what. for a few laughs? i'm not living up to my fullest potential because.... ? i want to be on twitter ? so yeah, gonna block it and delete it off my phone. i'd love to delete more and go basically off the internet, but i admit i have my friends on here...! i have amazing art i want to look at. inspiration to get. so pinterest will stay LOL. not on tumblr like that, honestly, so it can also stay.
idk just. tired of the months going by and i'm not accomplishing the shit i want to ?!?! i know i have adhd, it sets me back... but the internet is not fucking helping LOL.
i don't talk about my tarot much with people (at least, not the stuff that TRULY matters lol). but this year i drew The World. as a general card, big theme of 2024, etc. and the world is the card of ending cycles, reaching completion, travel... i traveled. (and will travel more this month!) it's time to end some of these cycles omfg. i've tried, i rlly have and i'm proud. but there's still more i can do before the year's up...
oh yeah. it's united states election day.
...
well. i have nothing to say on that.
| listening | rose + bruno mars - APT. |
| playing | mouthwashing. daisuke you should be at the club. |
| watching | vox machina (its rlly good. wow) |
| mood | more brainfog and adhd madness - but this time i'm going to win |
jesus christ it has been some time. oh god ... went to switzerland, greece, saw an online friend (dylan) for the first time ever!!, now job-free (and happily), inner healing (ewww cringe! /j), got some piercings (two nose piercings!), dressing more authentically, started volunteering at the library, going to seattle next month, some posts going 'viral' on twitter, getting back into tarot reading-- oh my!!!! too much to go over!
i'll just say despite this weird aimless time in my life due to being jobless, i definitely feel... freer! happier than i used to. mainly because my job was FUCKING ass. it paid well but at what cost. and in general i'm trying to 'honor myself' more... not to be a weird hippy dippy tarot astrology girl, but it's time to let my inner child free. and i need to learn to stop ignoring my body. like, i will actively feel overstimulated, panicked, anxious, and just. keep going until i blow up LOL. not even for any particular reason. i wonder if someone taught me to do that or if that's a 'girl with ADHD too used to masking' thing...? (do ADHD ppl mask? i'm not autistic)
in lighter news. very pleased some collage thingy went popular on twitter. for so long i was like-- no one wants to see this. its not Art (drawn or painting). but wow... maybe people do! it's supposed to be a graphic I'm going to put text on for my OC (Tatum)'s website. yeah that's.... going slow. (adhd/thyroid brainfog) but that's okay! i am currently doing it on carrd but may move to strawpage because strawpage allows for images to overlap. i just know i dont want to code just yet. ideally it would all be on neocities but that's for... someday. maybe months in the future.
hoping to be on neocities more. creating this website was one of the highlights of my year fr. ohhh yeah and happy halloween! not really feelin' the spirit too much tho!
| listening | parkway drive - carrion |
| watching | yellowjackets (kinda) |
| mood | brainfog and adhd madness - partially due to my hyperthyroidism! i'm so dumb and don't take my meds and then get surprised when i suffer! haha! |
tired of being a fuckup.... adhd really fills me with shame like no other... i just dont remember things... i dont even remember to set reminders... i come back to rotten meat or my car getting towed or a dirty dish left on the table and it's just fucking embarassing . like i tire of being unable to be a Big Adult ... it's setting me back with money... feels like it's setting me back emotionally... and what kills me is that i've tried adhd meds... the stimulants rlly don't fuck with me... maybe now that my anxiety is under control i should try again... but it's so hard to keep trying and it costs money and i'm losing my job soon... i'm just tired man...
| listening | all time low - dear maria |
| watching | frustrated |
| mood | hhhh. |
HAPPY AUGUST... THE HELL MONTH THAT WAS JULY HAS ENDED!!! this month i go on my trip to switzerland and greece ^_^ should be funnn . um. so i've been watching house of the dragon and oh boy. i'm trying not to absolutely lose my shit and slander it - it's a good tv show! amazing production quality! - but alas. it (ASOIAF in general) is a hyperfixation for me and i . really am not liking the choices being made. esp b/c its such a departure from season 1, which was damn near perfect to me.
other news. the olympics. oh wow guys. is this how football fans feel all the time b/c i am absolutely living for the olympics this year. simone biles really is the goat she is a true vision to behold. may need to watch that youtube video 'is gymnastics becoming a black sport?' because sigh! i just adore seeing girls like me up there... doing the damn thing. suni lee, you have my heart. rebecca andrade and flavia saraiva were also amazing competitors!
| listening | sleeping with sirens - if i'm james dean |
| watching | hotd, but also the olympics! |
| mood | okay! nonchalant! |
lowkey getting really tired of saving myself from the pits of despair but here we are. again. had a really bad day.... had to walk it off... everything is just so bad in the world like there is barely anything to look forward to and it's like. why am i still here?
| listening | my site's playlist |
| watching | nothing |
| mood | better after depression |
really sad and tired of things just... not getting better. and i've lost a lot of energy to keep going. which prevents me from making things better for myself.
| listening | my site's playlist |
| watching | nothing |
| mood | depressed |